THINGS GIRLS WANT GUYS TO KNOW
1. Saying “I love you” immediately before, during, or following sex doesn’t count.
2. Real men drive stick shift.
3. I will leave if you lie.
4. You are cute in raglan-sleeved T-shirts (two-toned baseball undershirts).
5. I’m convinced I’m pregnant and obsess about it for a minimum of 24 to 48 hours before my period, even when I have no rational reason to think so.
6.I love it when you hug me from behind and whisper in my ear.
7. “Fine” is never an appropriate response when I ask you how I look.
8. Most of the time when I fantasize, it’s about you.
9. I’m terrified of becoming my mother, even though I admire her.
10. I get turned on simply seeing that I have an e-mail from you.
11. I expect you to call me.
12. Only rock stars are allowed to wear leather pants.
13. I’m scared of losing my independence.
14. I’m more forgiving of you than I really should be.
15. Oral sex is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free card. Manolo Blahnik shoes also do the trick.
16. You did something bad. I seem cool with it. I’m not. (See directly above.)
17. If I’m not having sex with you, I’m: a). having a fat day. b). not feeling “connected” to you. c). blackmailing you to get something I want.
18. Shoes determine whether you’re fashionable or not.
19. I own a Debbie Gibson CD, and I’m not afraid to use it.
20. When I compare my flabby tummy to a kangaroo pouch, say nothing.
21. A man I love plans the occasional fancy-schmancy dress-up date and impromptu weekend getaways, and he buys my favorite candy in advance when we’re just going to the movies.
22. You look hot in hooded clothing items.
23. You should never tell me what to do.
24. If I slept over, you owe me breakfast.
25. My breasts love much licking and sucking.
26. If you ask me out directly, I will say yes.
27. I’m very impressed when you ask for my advice.
28. I’m unimpressed with a man who doesn’t take the lead.
29. When in doubt, go with the shirt that matches your eye color.
30. I want to be Madonna.
31. Women get urinary-tract infections easily, so watch (and wash) your fingers.
32. I’m in heaven when you hold my hand.
33. You’re sexy when you’re shaving, fixing things, wearing a white T-shirt and jeans, driving, eating a peach, holding a baby.
34. I need to hear how you feel about me. Often. Tell me now.
35. Surprises, especially gifts for moi = more loving.
36. I want to be the best thing that ever happened to you—and for you to recognize this.
37. If I’m not feeling loved, I will start looking….
38. Discussion of ex-gf’s and ex-bf’s should be avoided at all times.
39. I like it when you tell me what you’re thinking, even if you don’t know yourself.
40. Celebrating our anniversary, even if it’s only been a few months, earns major bonus points.
41. I love it when you’re sweaty.
42. It’s best to consult your gal pals for gift ideas.
43. A lady should always be greeted with kisses.
44. I like porn.
45. I love holding your bum in the palms of my hands.
46. Even nice girls like hushed dirty talk in public.
47. It’s cheating as soon as you’re doing something with her that you wouldn’t want me to see, hear, read…
48. For the record: I’d rather you break up with me than cheat.
49. I remember everything about our relationship.
50. You should know all this and more with-out my telling you.
90 THINGS GUYS WANT GIRLS TO KNOW
1. Guys dont actually like sluts as much as they say they do, even though they have sex with them!
(Oh yeah… you’re not “popular” if you’ve slept with loads of guys… you’re probably just a HOE)
2. “Hey, are you busy?” or “Are you doing something?” are two phrases guys open with to stop from stammering on the phone.
3. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.
4. Before they call, guys try to plan out a little about what they’re gonna say so there aren’t awkward pauses, but once he’s on the phone he forgets it all and makes it up as he goes.
5. Guys go crazy over a girl’s smile, it’s usually more important than the body.
6. Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him.
7. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest. Unless they’re goin for the let-her-complain-to-you-and-then-have-her-realize-how-wonderful-and-nice-you-are method.
8. A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to; if a guy knows a girl likes him but doesn’t like her… he still wants to be the only guy she talks to.
9. Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they’re still loved.
10. Don’t talk about your guy friends to your boyfriend, unless it’s negative, then it’s cool.
11. Guys get jealous very easily, even if they don’t show it.
12. Guys are more emotional than they’d like people to think.
13. Giving a guy a hanging message like “You know what?!… ugh… nevermind…” would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he’ll assume he did something wrong and he’ll obsess about it trying to figure it out.
14. Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like. If a guy seems cool around girls, just see how he acts in front of the girl he really likes.
15. Guys hate asking parents for money to buy girls presents. So they come up with ideas like saving their lunch money for a week. But it never works because guys are always hungry so they end up asking the parents for money anyway.
16. Girls are guys’ weaknesses.
17. Guys are very open about themselves if you just ask.
18. It’s good to test a guy first before you trust him. But don’t let him wait too long.
19. Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend.
20. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don’t need to give advice unless he asks for it.
21. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you. Poking, light pushing, blocking your way and random high 5’s are tell tell signs.
22. Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationships.
23. Guys will brag about anything if you don’t tell them not to.
24. Guys use words like buff or cute to describe girls. We rarely use beautiful. If a guy uses that, he likes you, if he uses it to describe other girls, he probably just wants to sound sweet in front of you, and therefore likes you.
25. Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn’t notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.
26. Guys love it when girls wear their clothes (jacket, hat, etc) especially if it’s a girl they like, they will often let them wear it in unreasonable circumstances…like the pouring rain.
27. Any guy could write out a rulebook or advice book for flirting, but no guy can write out a book about relationships.
28. Try to be as straightforward as possible, if you like a guy, just tell him, they’ll usually be flattered. If there is something wrong with your relationship, just tell him, if hes a nice guy he’ll do his best to fix the problem.
29. A guy has to experience rejection, because if he’s too-good-never-been-busted, never been in love and hurt, he won’t be mature and grown up.
30. If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl.
31. No matter how much guys talk about arses and boobs, personality is key.
32. Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls read and take as their basis of experience, your NEVER going to meet Mr. Darcy.
33. Guys worry about the thin line between being compassionate and being whipped.
34. If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he’s probably faking it and is spazzing inside.
35. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that.
36. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he’s just actually saying, “Please come and talk to me.”
37. Guys don’t really have final decisions.
38. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn’t happen that often, so when it does, you know something’s up.
39. If your best guy friend seems to avoid you or is never around when you’re with your boyfriend, he’s probably jealous and likes you.
40. When a guy looks at you for longer than 3 seconds, he’s definitely thinking something.
41. Guys like femininity not feebleness.
42. Guys don’t like girls who punch harder than they do.
43. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.
44. Don’t be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily.
45. Everything in moderation. Put on makeup, wear perfume. Just not too much.
46. Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys.
47. Guys hate rejection, but they hate being led on even more.
48. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.
49. A guy would give his left nut to be able to read a girl’s mind for a day.
50. No guy can handle all his problems by his own. He’s just too stubborn to admit it.
51. Not all guys are dickheads. Just because ONE is doesnt mean he represents ALL of us. Quit assuming.
52. We don’t like girls who are too skinny.
53. We love it when girls talk about their boobs.
54. Always make sure you know what kind of stuff you’re getting into before making out with a guy…like whether it’s a one time deal or not…
55. Believe it or not shy guys are the easiest to talk to, it may not seem right but trust me they will start opening up like books after you just ask them questions about their lives and unoticabley tell them about yours.
56. When a guy hits your butt it means that he wants you sexually.
57. When a guy doesn’t touch you flirtily alot, but smiles at you a lot and makes eye contact a lot, its probably because he likes you and feels weird about touching you…but really wants to.
58. Even if they refuse it all guys are ticklish on the ribs.
59. Guys love neck rubs and if he lets you keep doing it… it means that he really likes you or his neck really hurts.
60. Guys seek for advice from girls not other guys. Because most guys think alike, so if one guy’s confused, then we’re all confused.
61. If a guy tells you to dump your boyfriend, he’s being a twat, if he tells you that there is the possibility of finding someone else (HIM) if you do dump him, he probably likes you and just wants to see you happy.
62. No matter how much they complain (if they do), guys actually like it when girls lean on them.
63. Guys relate everything a lot of things to sex… a joke, a slip of the tongue, a giggle, a yawn, a stretch, whatever…its stupid but true.
64. If you add a guy on myspace or Facebook and you don’t know him…chances are he’ll assume its because you’re attracted to him.
65. If a guy acts like a dick sometimes and doesnt trust you, it might be because he has been badly hurt in the past and is afraid to open up again.
66. Just because a guy isn’t holding/kissing you, doesnt mean he doesn’t want to, you might just need to initiate it.
67. All guys want to make you happy (unless they’re pricks), some just don’t know how…so help them out.
68. Most guys just naturally prefer a girl with a bit of curve.
69. Guys are just as self conscious and insecure as girls, ;we also fear rejection, the guy who really likes you is the one who will never dare say so.
70. Boys liked to be talked to. A guy will feel more comfortable around a girl if the girl starts talking to them.
71. The way a girl moves her body can easily be much sexier than anything she says or does.
72. Girls: when you slow down with your boyfriend, make sure you give a damn good reason or we feel like its our fault because we can’t comprehend that you really just want to slow down.
73. Every guy has a ‘neeky’ side of him. Whether it be playin games, watching movies, or playing football, but don’t make fun of him if you don’t like it, unless it’s something you both find funny, otherwise just try and learn to like it. Don’t try to change him. If he’s constantly ignoring you for that thing, tell him, he’ll probably try and do it less.
74. Guys will always check out other girls, even if we make it less obvious when we’re around you, it does not mean we’re considering leaving you for the girl on the bus. It just comes to us without thinking, so don’t freak out when a guy looks at another girl. It’s just nature, and we know you were oggling at the cute guy that just walked passed. And hey, guys can have female friends just like girls can have male friends, just because he gets a text from a girl does not mean he is cheating on you. But if this does make things awkward, talk about it.
75. NEVER EVER kick a guy in the balls…seriously. Not even in a fight (play or real) or argument, you can’t imagine how much that hurts (don’t bring up giving birth because you know it’s different). The slightest kick can often have an excruciating delayed reaction…so yeah…just don’t do it…please.
76. When a guy is talkin to a girl, his gut instinct is to make her laugh. Whether he is good at this or not, he will try. As a result boys can sometimes appear immature or weird when you first meet them, but they’re probably just nervous so give them time and get to know them.
77. At some point a guy will try to play fight with you. There are two reasons for this:
a) Guys like to fight and show you how strong they are.
b) It gives them an excuse to touch you.
78. It is very sexy and appealing for a girl to wear a guy’s boxers and shirt. That’s all. We don’t know why that is, but it just is.
79. Guys dont like girls who don’t make an effort. If he travels four hours just to see you for three, appreciate it and don’t admit you wouldn’t do the same, half the time we wouldn’t expect you to anyway!
80. Guys have standards for what type of girl they want to have. Every girl is the perfect girl for somebody.
81. Guys don’t like it when girls amplify things. It’s very annoying.
82. Even the coolest guys, worry a lot about how they come across, they are probably trying very hard to seem so cool. So don’t undermine or mock a guy you like or are friends with, he might not burst into tears but it does not do wonders for his self-esteem. And if you do take the piss, make it fairly clear your joking, it will let the guy know you dont dislike him, you have a sense of humour, and its ok for him to have a come back.
83. If a guy is completely, 100% honest with you about things he’s not to sure/proud of, be grateful, because it can be pretty rare.
84. Although we do relate many things to sex, not everything is literally sexual, they like just being close to you too.
85. Guys only like sluts when they’re single, as soon as their in a relationship, its just annoying.
86. Guys will always be nervous about giving girls presents they like, no matter how close to or comfortable they are around the girl. Your opinion is just too important to him.
87. Guys are often terrified of a girl they like too much. The way some girls make you feel makes it impossible for you to function, the same reason a lot of guys persue strictly physical relationships.
88. Guys may not know how to handle a relationship, we admit, we’re not the greatest nor the smartest at doing things right. But girls are definitely not any better, so please don’t argue with us and make it seem like you know how things are supposed to be and your ways are right. It may seem logical, but frankly, it always isn’t.
89. Guys love anything you wear. Really. Don’t continuously ask them how you look every time you wear something.
90. THE NUMBER ONE RULE: Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out. Roll up the parchment
“… and then she swung her brass knuckled fist and clipped him causing instant bruising to his
shit brown right eye. He fell to the ground like a sack of useless tools, equivalent to him. She knelt down and said,
“Was that unexpected?” He responded back with a,
Fuck yes!!!” She clenched her fists and asked,
“Did it hurt?” He answered again with a,
Fuck yes!!!” She threw her head back and laughed. She then analyzed him and said,
“Well now you know how i felt when you emotionally did that to me. I knew that was gonna hurt, I knew it was unexpected, I also know that it will leave a scar where every one that comes close can see. Sucks doesn’t it?”“